The first thing that is important to convey to parents is the simple idea that a child needs to be talked to. No matter what age the child is, no matter what relationship you have with him, you need to start talking.
Numerous studies have been conducted on whether it is worth talking to small babies at all. The results were astonishing: children who had their mothers talking to them had lower levels of basal (background) anxiety. Because they heard that they were being told what was going on around them. Anxiety is undirected fear, fear without an address. And when we talk with a child, explain everything around him, his anxiety decreases.
Now psychologists are often approached by people who find it difficult to withstand anxiety due to uncertainty. What is uncertainty: it is a lack of information. Therefore, when we talk with a child about anything, we reduce his anxiety.
It's never too late to start talking. Even if your child is already 17 years old and you feel like you have a big communication gap, it's not too late to start talking today.
▪️How to talk to a child?
So, now that we have understood that speaking is very useful and important, the next question arises: how to speak? In this article, we will discuss several principles for safe, non-violent communication with a child.
1. Your condition;
2. Be honest;
3. What to say to the child;
4. Be the first to speak;
5. Quality time with your child;
6. Talk in private;
7. Talk to the family;
8. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable;
9. If you are afraid of "shameful" topics;
10. Do not scold the child for his story.
▫️Homework for parents
Come up with 5 topics that you would like to talk about and talk with your child. 5 secrets of yours with him, 5 stories from life. Anything that you would be interested in telling him.
Also come up with 5 questions that you would like to ask the child (by age).
For example, for a teenager: What is love? What is your favorite color and why? If you had a time machine, where would you go?
For a toddler: What super power would you like to have? Where do you think dinosaurs live now? Where do you think sadness lives when we are not sad?
Create quality time with your child where it's just you and him.
P.S. We wish you mutual understanding with your child! 🙈
Yours, Lili Petit
Preschool teacher, International Children's Centre, France