▪️When raising our own children, we rely on the experience we received from our parents. That is why we raise our children the way we were once raised.
In her book, psychotherapist Philippa Perry explains how to properly develop and raise a child without making titanic efforts.
Here are five parenting tips from Dr. Perry in her "Book You Wanted to Read to Your Parents."
1. Mark the boundaries
It's really hard because you love your child and want to give them the best, but there has to be a limit.
Even if you consider yourself to be the most attentive and loyal parents, restrictions are still unavoidable.
How can this be done with love? Separate "I" and "you".
For example, you can formulate your answer as follows:
"I know you want to take a bus ride through the night city, but I'm not ready to let you do that yet."
But reactions like: "no, you are only 13 years old, you are still small", it is better to avoid.
2. A bad mood is normal
As parents, we want our children to always be happy and in a good mood.
We love them so much that it breaks our hearts when they are in a bad mood. And we say: "Don't be sad."
However, it was very important to allow them to be in any mood. And we, parents, should be there and accept them as different.
Then such feelings will not cause them to have a negative attitude towards themselves.
3. A mirror for a child
Remember that you are a mirror for your child. It absorbs your patterns of behavior and reactions.
And if she constantly hears something like: "just look at your dirty shoes" from you, the only thing she perceives is your angry face.
So before you think about dirty shoes, calm down and smile.
The child should feel that you are happy to see him.
4. Behavior is communication
Is the child behaving badly? It means she is trying to tell you something. And he does it the way he knows how.
So read between the lines. Look for the reason for this behavior, help her express everything she feels.
We should not suppress her emotions, even if we find them uncomfortable.
We need to help children recognize and articulate their feelings, even if we ourselves would react differently in the same situation. Everyone is different.
5. A child is not a project
If I were asked to give just one piece of advice, I would say, "Your child is not a job to be done or a project to be constantly improved upon.
Your child is a person with whom you need to build a relationship. Big or small, it is, first of all, a person."
Yours, Maria Altuhova,
Psychologist, Pedagogical University, Ukraine.
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