Peculiarities of conflicts in a young family
Conflicts in a young family are an integral part of the "grinding" of spouses to each other. As a rule, they occur in the first three years of marriage and are provoked by various reasons. Conflicts have different scales, and the ability to resolve them often shows the readiness of a husband and wife for a happy family life. Families are created by young people, so their adaptation to each other can become quite difficult. They themselves do not always understand what marriage is, or have different ideas about it. As a rule, the views are idealistic or taken from the family where one of the spouses grew up. Young people may have much more reasons to sort things out than partners in an already established unit of society.
Types of conflicts among young people are divided according to the objectivity of the situation:
📍Genuine conflict, which is caused by a real-life problem that is recognized by both spouses (for example, a dispute about how to spend additional funds from the family budget);
📍Random conflict (conditional), the basis of which is an easily resolved issue, but the spouses do not realize this fact (for example, leave the saved funds in the budget or spend them on general needs);
📍Displaced conflict, in which the real cause of the quarrel will be something completely different (for example, a conflict over scattered socks with the wife's deeper claims that she cannot express);
📍Incorrectly attributed conflict, in which one of the couple falls "under the distribution" for having fulfilled the order of the spouse, which he forgets about;
📍Hidden conflict, the basis of which is a real contradiction, not recognized by the couple;
📍False conflict, which is based on subjective assessments (has no objective reasons).
Types and forms of conflicts
Types of conflicts in the family in the form of manifestation can be open and hidden. An open conflict has obvious external manifestations (for example, a fight, hysteria, breaking dishes, talking in raised tones, etc.). The hidden conflict is characterized by contradictions that a person experiences inside (boycott, ignoring, coldness, demonstrative silence, etc.).
According to the result, there can be constructive and destructive conflicts. The first of them is characterized by a positive outcome, they help relieve tension within the family, enhancing mutual understanding. Such disputes, if they leave a heavy "aftertaste", then not for a long time. After constructive quarrels, what happened is perceived as an accident, helping the spouses to understand each other even more, show more trust and bring the relationship to a high level.
Destructive conflicts increase tension between young people and most often lead to divorce. These conflict situations between spouses in young families are classified depending on the adequacy of perception (adequate, inadequate and false), the strength of perception (strong and weak), time (long-term and fleeting), depth (deep and superficial).
Separately, psychologists single out one feature of family conflicts that extends to marital conflicts in a young family. The most stable and protracted contradictions are manifested in those families where people do not consider it necessary to limit themselves to the appropriate framework (for example, I will say what I want; I will act as I want).
The main causes of conflicts in a young family
First of all, conflicts in a young family arise against the background of everyday life and housekeeping. Especially often the topic of the role of husband and wife, namely, their duties, acts as a stumbling block for spouses. It is very difficult for a young husband to switch to performing “general family” tasks if he has not done anything before. By analogy, it is very difficult for a girl who is not familiar with the full scope of housework (for example, she does not know how to organize an effective daily routine).
Finance and money management becomes another major cause of newlyweds conflict. Creating a family is not only a moral, but also a material responsibility. For this reason, the financial question of cohabitation can be one of the first on the list of family discussions. The change in lifestyle is especially difficult for young people who have not yet learned how to earn their own income (for example, students).
Parents and relationships with them often become the causes of conflicts in the first years of life. Interfering in the lives of their children, as a rule, is characterized by hostility, disagreements in matters of raising children and housekeeping. Often there are situations when one or both parents do not approve of the choice of their child (personal hostility arises).
The appearance of a child also becomes a significant test for the life of the spouses. This is due to the fact that there is a change in the rhythm and lifestyle, the emergence of certain restrictions, obligations, increased need for finances. It is especially difficult for those families where children appear almost immediately.
Changing the routine at the birth of a child is difficult for both new parents, especially in the first months. Crying at night, lack of sleep at night, illness, the need for proper care - this is what a woman finds difficult to cope with alone. Often fathers do not want to participate in upbringing, so this becomes the cause of constant conflicts. As the child grows older, another reason for quarrels is different views on parenting.
Starting to live together, spouses can show their weaknesses. Bad habits that contribute to conflict include alcohol abuse, drug use, smoking, gambling and computer games. Quarrels occur due to uncleanliness and laziness of one of the spouses.
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