In the modern information world, there are so many available materials on psychology that each of us can safely consider ourselves a bit of a psychologist. We have all heard and read many times that the complexes of adults are rooted in deep childhood. After all, it is at this fragile age that a person is most vulnerable. The child unconditionally trusts significant people (and they are most often mom, dad, grandparents, friends of parents, classmates, and so on) and is completely unable to filter information that penetrates directly into his subconscious.
It is very important already in adulthood to learn to understand the reasons for this or that scenario of your behavior. I will give examples of the dependence of adult complexes on childhood traumas to make it clearer.
Victim Complex
A common scenario is when a person constantly whines, complains, but at the same time always puts other people's interests above his own, acts to please other people, to the detriment of his own interests and sometimes even health. Such a victim often uses this behavioral strategy to gain attention and manipulate others.
Childhood traumas, due to which this happens: most likely, in early childhood, mom, dad or any other significant figure for the child showed how hard they try for him, how tired they are, how hard it is for them to raise him. All such attempts to rein in and educate the child can lead to the fact that the child will quickly understand: the first is that the neighbor is more important than his own desires and feelings, and you have to please everyone, the second is that if you do something to someone, then You can manipulate this person as much as you like.
Inferiority complex
This is when a person constantly feels that he is not good enough on his own, for example, for a relationship with a beautiful girl and tries to compensate for his shortcomings (which he often invented for himself) with external attributes (big cars, huge houses). All the best and most expensive, as a rule, does not bring happiness to their owners at all, but it screams loudly that a person closes himself with all this from his feelings, from the fear of not being good enough.
What happened in childhood? As a rule, the childhood of such people was not easy. Parents often compared them to other children. Often the child is humiliated and made to feel worthless and useless. What for an adult may seem like an insignificant trifle, for a child's psyche it can turn out to be a trauma for life. A fleetingly spoken word or a dismissive gesture addressed to a son or daughter can give rise to a whole storm of secret emotions in them, which subsequently spill over into adult complexes.
Superiority complex
I am the best, smarter than everyone, I know how to do it better, everyone around is fools. Approximately such thoughts wander in the head of a person who does not allow himself to be even one iota worse than others. In fact, this is the reverse side of the same inferiority complex, just with the opposite sign. Our psyche is so arranged that it closes the most severe pain from us, and in such a bizarre form it does not allow a person to experience pain from his mistakes.
Where did it come from? Most often, the parents of such children did not allow them to make mistakes, did not give them the right to miss, demanded first places from them at school olympiads, scolded them for fours, and so on. Alone scolded. But with friends and neighbors, dad proudly said “my son is the smartest,” and mom sighed and folded her hands touchingly in front of her face. And the child understood that he was obliged to be the best, that he had no right to make a mistake, and that to miss was equal to death. And his psyche closes even the possibility of such a scenario. He begins to consider himself obviously right, and the rest are fools, so as not to feel pain from his own imperfection.
Don Juan Complex
With his “victories”, he tries to prove to himself and those around him that everyone loves and wants him, when in fact, under the mask of Don Juan, there is always a very vulnerable little boy who does not believe in women, who was betrayed and now he forbids himself to experience deep emotions in order to avoid pain and disappointment.
Why did it happen? Some significant female figure (mother/grandmother/teacher/first love), most likely, hurt and cruelly treated his manhood, somehow humiliated his male ego, laughed at him like a man, and not necessarily had place of direct ridicule. Sometimes a scornful look is enough for a boy in some acute and important situation for him, related to his feelings and emotions.
It is very important for an adult to have information about the origin of their complexes and reactions, at least in order to better understand others and themselves.
Comments