Childhood traumas - especially those that we receive from parents - are very painful and severe. Getting rid of them on their own is not for everyone. No matter how old we are and no matter how successful adults we are, our inner child will always remember the detachment of the mother or how the father preferred another family. We figure out whether it is possible to forgive parents in adulthood (and how to do it).
Step #1. Adoption
From the point of view of deep psychotherapy, childhood trauma is key. It always has a deep root. But most consider negligent parents to be something terrible and do not even allow the thought that this is their most important life lesson. People sometimes don't even try to understand their parents - why they behaved the way they did. It's easier for them to go into denial. And this is indeed a mistake.
We should not deny our parents for our own good. Parents are our beginning. Therefore, if a person treats them with disdain, it means that he refuses a part of himself. This is detrimental. Therefore, it is better to understand your problem, and not to pretend that it does not exist.
Step #2. Straight Talk
The lack of maternal warmth leads to internal disorder, and that, in turn, pushes many into the arms of various addictions. For example, it has been proven that people who grew up in a family where the mother did not indulge the child with attention, affection and care are more likely to suffer from alcoholism. Such an outcome is inevitable if you do not try to work through birth trauma and do not allow the thought that the root of the problem may lie precisely in this.
No matter how bad your relationship with mom and dad may be, you need to try to establish a connection with them. First, it is better to work out painful childhood grievances with a psychologist - introduce the parent and tell him everything that has boiled over. You can't do it live. There will be a scandal.
Step #3. Gratitude
Expressing grievances is not the goal of a frank conversation with parents. The main thing is to express gratitude to them. Thank mom and dad, for example, for:
▪️you were born;
▪️they have taught you certain lessons;
▪️their criticism hardened a strong character in you;
▪️their mistakes have shown you how to really (and not) raise your own children.
Gratitude is a very powerful tool that can make all the difference. However, it is very difficult to decide on such a step yourself and find the right words, especially if the injury is deep.
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