Usually, children have a violent protest against the parental “No”. With this word, we can launch a whole storm of emotions! In young children, this quickly develops into tantrums. And in older children - in aggressive behavior.
Is it possible to somehow soften the reaction of the child and not become an enemy for him? How to make him react more calmly to your prohibitions and refusals?
Yes, you can! To do this, you just need to choose the right approach and the right words.
1. The most important rule is that it is important for a child to feel that, even when you refuse him:
📍You do not care that you are on his side,
📍That he is valuable and important to you and you love him,
📍That he has the right to want and desire something,
📍That you are interested in him and respect his feelings.
2. The child needs to be shown that your “No” is due to important reasons and does not mean that you are opposed to him. If the child feels that he is understood, it will be easier for him to accept the refusal.
3. Refuse the child without irritation, screaming, accusations and reproaches. Refuse calmly, gently and affably arguing your refusal. You can postpone the child's request or invite him to work with him to find a solution.
These are such simple, but very important principles for the correct refusal of a child. Let's look at examples so you get the meaning and the correct state.
▪️Examples of how to properly refuse a child
The dialogues below are, of course, exemplary. It is important that you capture the meaning and state of the parent who says “No” but in very different words and with a different delivery.
▫️Mom, can I play on my phone?
Instead of: "No! Enough"
You can say:
Yes, I know how much you love to play this new game. You could probably play it day and night? Today you have already played for more than two hours and will soon be going to bed. Let's think of something else to do tonight.
▫️Can I stay overnight at Sonya's?
Instead of: "No"
You can say:
“You seem to really want to go there. I don't know her family at all. And I will be very excited to let you go there. Maybe we should get to know her parents better first? What do you think?
Summary:
✅You don't have to say "NO" to your child. He will think that he is not valuable and not important and that you do not care. With this word, you start a storm of emotions. Tantrum or aggressive behavior.
✅Show your child that you really don't care.
That his feelings and desires are important to you. That you respect his feelings, are interested in them. It is easier for a child to accept refusal if he feels that he is understood.
✅Speak refusal without irritation, screams, accusations and reproaches. Quietly refuse, arguing your refusal.
✅Sometimes you can postpone the child's request until a later time or invite him to find some solutions together.
Do you understand the principles of correct refusal?
If you have any questions, please write them in the comments below 😊🙌🏼 Yours, Olga Meking
USA
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