It will come as no surprise to anyone that combining permanent employment with the education of the younger generation is not an easy task. Therefore, many parents place most of the responsibility for raising their child on the school, believing that it is she who plays a decisive role in the formation of the child's personality. But scientists have proven that this is not so - the environment affects a growing person as follows:
📍Family — 50%
📍Media - 30%
📍Educational institution - 10%
📍Street - 10%.
According to the study, the school, of course, affects the child, but the family has a much greater share of responsibility.
▪️Action plan
Despite a huge amount of research and psychological findings, there are several universal points on which most experts are unanimous - how to allocate time in such a way as to express yourself, find a minute for family affairs and remain the closest person to your children.
1. Magic half an hour. Despite the constant employment, parents need to find at least 30 minutes a day to communicate with the child - it is important for children to feel that they are interesting to their parents. Listen to the end without interrupting and refraining from negativity and judgment. If you do not approve of the child's behavior, try to come up with a short fairy tale that tells what and why his act is bad.
2. Reflect on emotions. Think about your words and behavior often, determining how it looks in the eyes of the child. For example, without listening to the end and sending him to play, you are most likely doing this not because you don’t want to communicate, but so as not to interfere. And the son or daughter will be offended that they were not listened to and escorted out. A good way out would be to give children a simple task - joint work brings together. In addition, while you are busy cooking dinner together, you will have the opportunity to have a heart-to-heart talk.
3. Don't try to buy your child. One of the most common mistakes adults make is trying to appease children with gifts when it is impossible to pay enough attention to them. Feeling guilty, we turn a blind eye to wrongdoing and buy whatever is asked for. Track such moments and correct them.
4. No empty promises. Clearly calculate your strengths and do not guarantee that it will be obviously difficult to accomplish. Say, in the evening, the child asks you to keep him company in his favorite game. You can't do it and promise to play tomorrow. But circumstances may change, for example, you will be late at work, and the child will look forward to the promise, and will definitely be upset if he does not receive it.
5. Age ≠ authority. You should not suppress the child: having a certain experience does not mean at all that the child is dumber than you - in some ways he can give you a head start. Say that you have long wanted to share something with him, ask for advice - so you can not only talk about your difficulties and worries, but also find out what pleases and worries your son or daughter.
6. Allow to make a choice. Often adults choose circles and sections for their child, based on their children's desires. But your child is a different person, albeit a small one. Ask him what he wants to do. Don't impose your opinion. And certainly you should not completely load the child with extracurricular activities. He should have time to rest, play and socialize with you and friends.
7. Focus of attention. As you know, quality is more important than quantity. You do not need to communicate with the child if you are just trying to wind up an extra half hour in your favor, although your thoughts are busy with your own problems. Listen carefully to everything he or she tells you. Feel free to demonstrate the joy of how beautifully he learned to sing, dance, draw or read poetry in English. And it is better to refrain from sharply negative assessments, especially when dealing with a teenager.
The most important thing is personal example. Even if you tell your child everything is “correct” and beautiful, but this is at odds with your own actions, then words are worthless.
Working parents really have a hard time. But, as in any other situation, it is important to be able to admit that you are wrong about something. And mistakes can already be corrected together - together with your child. After all, even two birds with one stone can be kept up if you act harmoniously and harmoniously.
Yours, Lili Petit
Preschool teacher, International Children's Centre, France